So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
