I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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