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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
