I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
