Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
