I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize