my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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