is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
