I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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