girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
