His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
