Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
