dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
