if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
