well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
