i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
