i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
