my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My ATM looks so different sober.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
