Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I love having hate sex.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize