Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
