The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
