I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
