just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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