she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
