sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Enjoy the penises
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
