I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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