I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
