You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You were trust falling into bushes
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
