I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
