it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
