i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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