he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
