Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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