I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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