it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
