I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
