worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
