Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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