So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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