So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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