Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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