her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
