Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
