he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize