i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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