I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
