Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
