life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
