is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
