Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
