shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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